Please Bring Your Souls to the Next Rehearsal

So I have this working theory -- one of many, actually -- that my orchestra director in college is Satan in human form. Not, like, actual Satan. I want to make that clear so we don't get confused from the start here. Just Satan if he were to inhabit the Earth in order to do a bunch of evil shit and create things like that sandwich at KFC that doesn't have bread (why, Satan??!).

(Sidenote: My friends in high school were convinced that our orchestra director was Satan in that case, too. From further studies, I have concluded that he's just a douchebag.)

Imagine, if you will, what Satan would look like in human form. I asked my friends at college this, and this is what I got:

Friend #1: Uh, red?

Friend #2: Does he have a tail?

Friend #3: He's probably got a pitchfork.

Me: A;LFKDJSLFK I'M TALKING ABOUT SATAN IN HUMAN FORM! STUPIDS!

So imagine Satan in human form. He's probably tall, definitely brunette, because God in human form is definitely a blonde. He's probably got one of those low commanding voices. He's probably kinda spindly and thin. I've never thought of Satan as one of those muscle-types. He's like the weaker guy who always makes fun of you, and you're like, "Why, bro? There's nothing to you." I dunno. Last and least, he is DEFINITELY attractive. Like, how could he not be? He has to be the tempter of all sin-related things. He's gotta be hot, but in, like, an evil way. Where you're swooning but you're like, "....waaaaait a minute, this feels anti-virtuous..."

But THAT is exactly what my college orchestra director is like. He's well-educated (Ivy League grad), attractive, talented, but also terrifying. Also he may or may not sign emails with "PS Please bring your souls to the next rehearsal. Noms."

May or may not.

Anyway, I feel like I should maybe be concerned for my eternal soul, but I'm also Jewish. So I guess I'll just wait to see what happens.