Iron Man 2... the Second

My little brother has been visiting me for the weekend, which has been particularly pleasant. Among the many things we've done together, we saw Iron Man 2, which was his first time seeing it and my second time. As I watched, I'm slowing developing the theory that Robert Downey Jr. is the new Johnny Depp. You might be asking yourself, "What happened to the old Johnny Depp?" Theoretically nothing has happened to him, but his film ties to Tim Burton have grown over the last three years or so and he's no longer that character actor he used to be but more of a character. Whereas RDJ has easily adapted to that easy character actor role: Sherlock Holmes, Tony Stark, that guy in Tropic Thunder, etc. RDJ = awesome.

I'm seeing 'Tosca' tomorrow and I'm scared I won't understand it. I just reread a synopsis three times. Why is opera illogical?

Literary Excerpt

We read this short story called "Alma" by Junot Diaz today in my Creative Writing class, and I really liked this one sentence. I don't even know why. It mostly makes me laugh but I also just love the way it is stylistically written.

"She's more adventurous in bed than any girl you've had; on your first date she asked you if you wanted to come on her tits or her face, and maybe during boy training you didn't get any of the memos but you were, like, umm, neither."

That is all for today.

Send Money and Coffee

Does anyone want to lend me some money so I can buy a new journal for the summer? Send cash.

I haven't updated in a week, and mostly it's because I'm mad at Lost. Not really. I was actually going to write a long thing about how the Lost writers have given up on showing and now they are just telling (a fundamental NO of writing), but then I remembered no one reads this or would want to have a conversation about this.

My latest history paper is on the subject of soldier mentality during the Second World War on the Western and Pacific fronts, as well as the combat experience and its "meaning" or lack thereof. Like, individuality in war, and the like. I think this is a very interesting topic and I would really like to get another A on this paper. I got a B/B- on the last one, on account of, "little variance in source material" and "this is a solid paper but you've done better." I hate that last one, because it's like saying, "If I hadn't seen that this was written by you, I would have thought it was a lot better." Maybe I should just be happy that I have professors who hold me to a high standard, but I would also just like to do well in things, too.

I'm thinking about going full on veg this summer, by which I really mean, "pescatarian," because I still want to eat fish. Someone was like, "And this is different from what you do now... how?" And I guess it's really not at all different but I'm just legitimizing it at this point in time.

Formspring Post #1

If you could redo anything about your undergraduate experience thus far, what would it be?

This sounds really stupid but I think it would have been nice to have been more fit. I get a lot done here, but I never really stick to any routines. I didn't really gain any weight since coming to college, but I'm not really staying fit either, which is just disappointing.

That's about it, though. I'm not big on redoing experiences. I've really enjoyed what I've done here so far and I don't think I would take anything back!

Ask me everything?

3 HELLA IMPORTANT TOPICS!!!

Yikes. I can't believe I haven't updated since last Thursday. I've had a lot to talk about actually, which is why I've just been too distracted to update.

1) WE GOT OUR HOUSE! My friends and I applied for an on-campus house, which means that we essentially pay dorm prices to live in a seven person house and promote some kind of educational values (emphasis on some educational values). And this was the source for a lot of stress for the last few weeks: it had a pretty extensive application. When we finally finished it, the three of us who had been working on it sat down and tried to de-stress.

Friend 1 (female): I'm stressed. I'm going for a run.

Friend 2 (male): I really need to write some poetry. I'm too stressed.

Me (head in a bowl of soup): I NEED TO EAT I'M SO STRESSED OMG

This is just a taste of what our house will be next year.

2) I saw Iron Man 2. I still haven't seen the first Iron Man, but can I just say that I love everything about RDJ and Sam Rockwell? And Mickey Rourke? I like movies that are well-cast. When I watch a movie and realize that there are no better actors for some roles, it just makes me so happy.

3) We had a drag ball on campus this weekend. Boys in sundresses. Boys in bikinis. It was eye-openingly hilarious. I may or may not have attempted to motorboat a 26 year old German man with military experience. His tits were amazing. Just saying.

Lost = Harry Potter (Spoilers)

I'm convinced that Lost is trying to be Harry Potter.

In all seriousness, only the writers of both truly understand war well enough to write the deaths they are writing. JKR made some argument when Deathly Hallows came out that war is random and hateful; war doesn't care that you've made some great personal journey and now you're suddenly you're a better person.

Apparently the Lost writers are doing the same thing: ignoring the emotional journeys of characters so instead they can SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS get crushed by random metal objects and drown in a sinking submarine. In retrospect, I'm really glad that I chose to not attend the group Lost watching session in my student center because I would have been sobbing, rather than somewhat less (more?) pathetically crying alone in bed the next morning.

Inconsequential Shit

It's been too long since I've updated, but not many things have happened. Here is a brief list of the things that have happened:

1) Mass amounts of history readings.

2) Mass amounts of just bad history writing.

3) Dyeing my hair another moderate shade of slightly lighter brown

4) Smoking hookah for the first time in a few months

5) Seeing The Blind Side and realizing that Sandra Bullock is sorta my mother

6) Stress eating

These things are all incredibly exciting, once you view them all together, but on their own, they are really nothing of consequence.

I just wiki'd a major "plot point" of World War 2. What is my life?

Continuing on the Weird Dream Path...

Last night, I dreamed I went camping with some of my friends, except my family was suddenly there too... and they were like YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS THIS IS OUR CAMPING TRIP. And then we lived in these cabins which were, like, infested with frogs. The frogs were generally okay -- they ate all the mosquitoes -- but they also just would take our stuff and hide it which was annoying. But then I made friends with one of the frogs and it would let me rub its belly and it would smile and I KNOW FROGS DON'T HAVE TEETH but this one did for smiling!

I want a frog.

The fact that I do not have a smiley belly frog has been upsetting me all day.

Parallel Parking Makes My Dreams

Last night, I had a crazy dream that I was cast in a musical as the female lead with one of my younger friends from high school, who played my male lead counterpart. Everyone was so impressed and kept telling me what a great singer I was (I'm not), but the catch of being involved in the musical was that I had to be able to parallel park (which I can't do). There was a lot of struggle and tears over trying to parallel park while also learning songs and lines and costumes. And then amidst another parking failure, my Hall & Oates "You Make My Dreams" alarm went off and I awoke not in my room (I was bunking elsewhere with a friend for the night). It was all very disorienting and upsetting and it has thrown off my whole day.

I have now locked myself on the third floor of our library to work on reading my 1000 page history textbook that I need to catch up on in order to write a paper on it this weekend. If entries become scarce, please contact sources to make sure I have not starved to death or died of boredom.

Many thanks.

My Life is Mean Girls

I far too frequently liken my life to Mean Girls. Whether this means that I don't know how to relate to real people so I in turn relate to fictional stories, or Mean Girls is just a super accurate film to how girls relate to one another.

I've been going through a lot of stress lately, including but not limited to:

+ family

+ friends

+ my (nonexistent except totally confusing anyway) love life

And stress is a weird thing for me. I get a little snappy when I'm angry, but when I'm stressed-stressed, I just kind of become a turtle and get all like, "bitches, back off" and go inside my shell and don't deal with anyone very well. But I try to be supportive of other people when they get stressed. I'm kind of not really good at sympathy, only because I don't like it when people feel sorry for me, so why would someone want me to feel bad for them? But one of the things I like the least about people is when they are unnecessarily hateful or judgmental and go, "It's not my fault; I'm stressed."

That is not an excuse. It's very similar to another form of "apologizing" that I hate, which is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Neither is apologizing. I can't stand it when people can't own up to issues. I'm guilty of this too, but I try to not make excuses when I'm an asshole. (I mean, I'm also naturally an asshole so this doesn't come up a lot.) But while I may be going through a lot, and someone is going through more, that does not give them an excuse to attack me.

In turn, I felt near nervous breakdown last night, and after snapping at one of my best friends (and then showing up at his room this morning, nearly in tears -- passing it off as "allergies" -- to apologize), I realized that I just need to remove myself. It's like Lindsay Lohan wisely said, "You need to suck out the poison." I didn't really suck the poison so much as just get rid of it. I went through my contacts and anyone who I just do not have the patience or the heart to deal with, I blocked. I called my mother and told her that even though she was stressed -- about really serious issues, too -- that she still needs to listen to me when I call. I just need someone to listen. I told my best friend(s) from home what was happening and I needed them to be patient.

I sucked out the poison, stitched up the wound, and moved on.

I'm hoping for a brighter week, and then I can hopefully unblock those people and learn how to help them through their stress too.

P.S. I have formspring?

Ack!

Ever spent your night with 300-400 considerably trashed individuals when you are so incredibly sober that you remember everything in vivid detail? I have now.

When I'm drunk, there's nothing I love more than hanging out with other drunk people. I'm unnaturally affectionate when I'm intoxicated... but when I'm not? I am an asshole. In turn, I had to put up with that last night, ranging from being kissed, to being fallen on, to being spilled on, to having to babysit drunk people as we watched naked people run up and down the quad.

I went to bed around 2:30am with a pounding headache, hoping to just put an end to a night that I didn't want to have in the first place. My beautiful, glorious sleep was ruined at 3am, when, as one of my friends said, "The world was screaming." I don't know how it happened, but some asshole either pulled or set off the fire alarm. We filed out of the dorm in the freezing rain and had to wait outside for the "OK" to get back into our dorm. I had never hated life so much more than as I stood outside, pounding headache persisting, still incredibly sober and angry.

Dumb.

I'm a little nervous for this upcoming week. I have yet another history paper to write -- actually I have a history paper due every other week for the rest of this quarter -- and I'm behind on reading this time. ACK.

NO PANTS DAY FOR EVERYONE!!!!

Remember when I got really whiny about my history paper in this post and no one cared? Me too, but that's not the point. The point is that I actually ended up getting an A on said paper, so NO PANTS DAY FOR EVERYONE!!!

But in all seriousness, I was very much ;ALKDFJA;SDKF!!! yesterday. The professor wrote in his grading: "Apart from a few stylistic infelicities, this is a model of what a paper like this should be: the vigorous and convincing defense of a point of view, continued with the effective use of specific evidence in defense of said argument. Nice work. A."

Translation: "You suck at editing, but that's about it! Awesome."

SO HAPPY. SERIOUSLY.

Less happy about my inability to drink for the next week, still. Tonight is supposed to be one of the biggest party weekends here on campus, and I am still be treated for a sinus infection. Aaaaagh, the prices we pay to stay healthy.

Useless Entry #1

My piano instructor warned me at the start of lessons this past quarter that I "might get sick of ragtime" at some point during the quarter. While I don't think this is true for me, it's probably true for her. But she suggested I should probably work on some classical pieces as well. Today I got assigned Mozart's Sonatina in C Major, which is actually pretty famous, so I was hoping to find a good Youtube recording of it to put on here. Upon searching Youtube, I realized that all of the good recordings were of 7 year old Asian prodigies playing this piece. And then I got really self-conscious because I didn't want to post one of those videos on here and be like, "Sorry i'm not a prodigy and in turn, have not already played this piece, okay?!?"

And then I cried.

I was supposed to do a lot of reading today, but then I got stressed. Sometimes I find it's better to just not force myself into doing a lot of work and go take a nap rather than do work. I get behind but then at the same time, I also don't hate myself. Thoughts?

This entry is stupid. I apologize.

Creepy Econ major in my workshop group judged some girl for writing a poem that discussed drunken conversations with boys (non-autobiographical) so I'm really happy that I chose to not write about sex.

Sex Failure

I am trying to write a poem that discusses sex. Here are the reasons I can't:

People in my workshop group:

- Girl #1 who speaks too loudly and has constantly surprised eyebrows

- Girl #2 who does not speak

- Girl #3 who has thus far only written poems about a) secrets she has regarding boys or b) flowers or c) singing or d) memories about singing with flowers in her hands

- Boy #1 who is an Economics major and wears ties to class and makes me incredibly uncomfortable because when I wrote that poem about cowboys and used the phrase "bosoms," he called me out on and said he loved bosoms

- Boy #2 who is a pitcher for our baseball team and probably the most normal

I just can't do it. I cannot talk about sex with these people! a;dflkj;sdafk

Computer Complaints (and other stories)

Reason Why I am Destined for Hell #1

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that during a conversation I had with my orchestra director, he said the following to me:

"Don't worry, I trust your opinion."

Later in the rehearsal, the violin section was bitching (a standard orchestra event, really) about having a difficult part that was, if anything, a very minor supporting part. Our director said to this complaint, "I know, I know, the standard musicians' complaint: Why are we working so hard if no one is listening? But we don't have time for existential questions right now..." and then he laughed.

SATAN, I TELL YOU.

+++

In other news, my laptop has not been functioning as of late. I have a Dell Studio, for those of your who are wondering. This is my second Dell laptop, and needless to say, my first one was not much better. But for the third time since purchasing this laptop, which I affectionately call Basil, its speakers are broken. The headphone jacks work, which I guess serves me for now, but it's still frustrating. I can still accomplish all the means I actually need: word processing and listening to music and internet access. BUT STILL. Quality of life-wise? Now I can't blast music when I'm getting dressed in the morning.

Another thing that annoyed me about this was my phone call with Dell Support. I mean, they were nice and charming, but they also totally doubted my ability (as do most of my friends, to be fair) to handle computer problems.

Dell: So I'm just uninstalling and reinstalling the drivers.

Me: Yeah, I've done that twice already.

Dell: So we're going to do that.

[30 minutes later]

Dell: Now I want to do a System Restore back to last Friday.

Me: I did that on Sunday.

Dell: Great. So let's do that.

I KNOW HOW TO FIX A COMPUTER! And then they proceeded to tell me that it was clearly a PC/hard drive problem, and that in order to fix it, I need to back up all of my files and documents so they can totally wipe Basil's memory. It's not a system problem! I am convinced that this is a hardware issue. And they just did not acknowledge that.

I'm thinking about getting a Mac. Don't hate me.